While going through some old USB drives, I came across a bunch of articles that I wrote to post on a blog I had in my 20’s (Shout out to Blogger if you’re still around!) I was about 28 at the time and had just broken up with my summer fling and had some thoughts about my experience that summer. Upon further thought, I came up with this theory that, now that I look back is pretty accurate, and kind of genius. So, if you have a few minutes, enjoy the thoughts of a 28 year old, in her prime.
Spoiler alert: I came out the Champion in the end, and ended up with someone 10x’s better and much hotter, so I won!
September 5, 2010
I’ve had a great summer! With the exception of the dumb ass that dumped me but you know, breakups happen. More than that my 20’s have been pretty epic, each summer seems to out do the one before. During this time I’ve learned so much about the dating game, and have talked about it in detail with some of my girl friends and a few choice guy friends. And I’ve come up with a theory that seems to be pretty spot on. I’ve been asked quite a few time times about my “Cut Buddy Season” Theory and wondered if I should share. Well, you’re in luck! I’ve got a bottle of wine and nothing but time on my hands tonight, so, here it is folks! Reesie’s explanation of “Cut Buddy Season.
Cut Buddy Season usually starts around Mid-March AKA Break-up season. Now’s the time when you hear things like “I need some space” or “This isn’t working for me” or “I feel that we need time to think” or the ever famous “We need to take a break.” This usually gives them time to break-up, get over the relationship and heal, just in time for the April.
April is referred to as “Pre Season.” I’m sure everyone notices, people start dressing in less clothes. Think about it, as it gets warmer, the skirts get higher, the neckline gets lower, girls start breaking out the halters, tube tops as well as the shorts, capris’ and skirts to go with it. Usually those outfits are coupled with high heels to make the butt look big. The guys are usually hit with a new fashion like one year it was button ups, another white tees, this past year it was graphic tee’s and I’m almost willing to bet that the cologne and perfume sales go up as well. Gyms are full as well since everyone it’s trying to get it “Tight and Right” for summer time. During this time, the eyes start wandering and if you’re fortunate enough to be in a relationship, this is also when the thought of cheating comes to mind. Football fans will also agree that this is also when the “Star Players” are showcased, so you better be serious about those workouts. They will definitely payoff during Draft Season.
May is usually the “Draft Season.” This is when the club’s and bars starts filing up. At the end of each night at the club, you can usually look around the room and see the guys putting on their best games trying to get one of the girls that they’ve been dancing with and buying drinks for all night to go home with him. And, true to form, one of those girls, whether drunk, or simply a player in the great game of “Cut Buddy” herself, will agree to go home with him. Now usually, if the player (whether male or female) is good enough, he or she will continue this trend every night so that they have up to 2-3 or more people in heavy rotation throughout the summer, hence Draft Season.
June – July is GAMETIME baby! It’s time to get it IN! Statistically, people have the most sex in late June through the end of July then any other time of the year. Hope that time in the gym paid off, your gonna need to be fit as a fiddle and your cardio workout’s should pay off as well. Also at any given moment anyone that was originally drafted in the “Pre Season” can be cut and replace by someone hotter, sexier or “more skilled” without any notice. Keep in mind during “Game time,” all feelings are to be left at the door.
Around late August we start going into the playoff season. That’s when those who have been in heavy rotation during Game time are being scrutinized and possibly illuminated. Usually it’s nothing personal, remember I told you that during “Game Time,” all feelings should be left at the door, this is business, nothing emotional. But, seeing as how we are humans, unfortunately we usually get hung up on at least on of those people that we’ve had in heavy rotation. More then likely it’s that “Star Player” that we talked about earlier. See, the “Star Player” is the one that looks better, has the most game and can put it on you better then all the other players in the game. Be advised though, this “Star Player” is a player themselves and you are probably one of the ones on their team in heavy rotation, with out knowing, so step up your game during this time as well. It will pay off in the Post Season.
Ah yes, the Championship. During this time, in September, the Championship is when all “players” have been illuminated, and we’re down to a precious few, usually 2 choices. See if you notice, this is when the weather starts getting cold, and since you don’t want to be alone when its cold, the thought of a relationship starts coming to mind. Why? Because you don’t want to be alone when it’s cold. So whoever “Wins” will be named the Champion AKA The Boo, and so ends the “Cut Buddy Season” for whoever has been lucky enough to have been named the Champion.
So what happens to the ones that remain single? Late September and all of October, this is called Post season, Well, I like to call this “Boomerang” season, now your wondering what do I do now? The players, who didn’t get chosen, are looking for someone to lay with when it’s cold. That’s probably when you start getting calls or text messages from people in your past i.e. Ex’s, an old FWB (Friend with Benefits), or possibly after they have Cut you from the roster during their playoffs, and were cut from someone else’s roster, then they wanna come back with the “I’m sorry” or “I’ve missed you” or the ever famous “Oh nah, I just been busy.” Sometimes you get someone who will forgive you and start “New,” giving you a second chance to make things right, just in time for Boo Season.
Congratulations! Most of you that have made through the Championship or been named the Champion during the Post aka “Boomerang” Seasons, you’ve made it! The Boo Season (the longest season) is when the Holiday Season hits around late October until the beginning of March. Think about it, you’ve got Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve and Valentines Day. During this time, this is when you want to be with someone the most. You’ve got someone to cuddle with when it’s cold, since usually around its time those who remain single are trying desperately to come up with someone themselves and make a relationship out of absolutely nothing. More then likely, these individuals will be one of the main one’s in the gym tryna make it “Tight and Right” during the next Pre Season.
So there you have it! Reesie’s Theory of Cut Buddy Season! Keep in mind that this is only my opinion, but I think it’s pretty accurate.
And if you are a little fuzzy on the rule, terms & conditions as well as disclaimers, here’s a copy of “The Agreement”
CUT BUDDY CONTRACT
This Cut Buddy Contract is entered into on the day of ________________ 20__,
between __________________ (hereafter referred to as PARTY A)
and ___________________(hereafter referred to as PARTY B).
Terms & Conditions
A sex session is hereafter referred to as IT. Best Effort is partaking in activities for as long as possible.
1. No sleeping over, unless IT is very good and PARTY A needs to repeat IT in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before IT, or when IT takes place in public
3. No calls before ______ AM/PM.
4. PARTY A retains discretion on which fantasies are acted out.
5. This contract prohibits any emotional attachment. Refer clause 22
6. No plans made in advance, that is why you are called the “backup”
7. This is not a mutually exclusive contract for PARTY A
8. No baby talk, however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. Any instructions or How To’s given to PARTY B shall be remembered and practiced
10. No calling each other “friends with benefits”, we are not friends, just fuck buddies.
11. Procreation is not an option – Termination will be suggested.
12. No extra clothing, I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after IT, it’s over; go home unless (See Clause 1)
14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed IT.
15. You cannot borrow my vehicle for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be “my roommate’s friend”.
17. Best Effort to accommodate all requests by PARTY A should be made by PARTY B
18. Scheduling of IT is at the sole discretion of PARTY A, however, PARTY B is welcome to make suggestions
19. No condoms, no IT.
20. Bring your own alcohol, I am not your liquor store.
21. Documentation of PARTY B may be held for historical purposes by PARTY A.
22. Should PARTY A wish to terminate this contract, the effect is immediate
22a Should PARTY B wish to terminate this contract, 14 Days notice, or 6 IT’s, whichever period is longer
23. The aforementioned rules may only be altered by PARTY A.
23b. If the PARTY B wishes to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it is at the sole discretion of PARTY A
PARTY B’s Signature___________________ Date_______________
PARTY A’s Signature___________________ Date_______________