People have often said to me “I didn’t know you were a Model.” And my answer is always the same:
“I’m not a model, I just enjoy taking photographs.”
I like Photography. No, I take that back, I LOVE photography. My interest in Photography and the beauty of image it brings out. I love the way a single image can capture a story, emotion, or idea of the individual. The one thing I love about doing photoshoots is that you get to see three, sometimes five different perspectives: The photographer, the model, and the Make-up artist and if a person is lucky enough that can also include the hairstylist and the wardrobe stylist. You can take the same concept and have two different photographers shoot the same concept and the final result will be so very different, and I love that. I like to look at different styles of photos. From urban, artistic, high fashion, nature, head shots, and more, there are so many different photographers out that with different talents and signature shots.
In a way, it has been a therapeutic experience for me. Sometimes it has been a way to get over a break up, or that feeling of not being enough for someone to be with or maybe even forgetting that even if you don’t see someone attractive in the mirror, there is a beauty there that others see in you that you don’t. As someone who was constantly told by numerous individuals how unattractive I am, for more years then I care to think about, doing these photoshoots has brought out a piece of me that I never would have known was there had I not stepped in front of a camera to begin with. Constantly hearing your name attached to negatives opinions when it comes to superficial looks can be heartbreaking. Not feeling attractive or beautiful tends to overpower the words from your friends and family who tell you all the time that “You’re beautiful” or “you’re amazing.” I’ve found that doing photoshoots make me happy, and I’m very big on doing whatever it takes to make you happy. I come alive sometimes, and go to a place where nothing matters but the way I feel in this moment, in this outfit, or in this studio, or on location, or that I’m totally nailing this look. Seeing the finished product always give me a feeling of accomplishment, capturing it in an image that I get to hold onto.
Concepts are always amazing to bring to life. I think the concept and your ability to bring them to life and execute the idea is where the true talent lies. I think one of the common misconceptions is that you HAVE to be sexy when you do shoots, and that just isn’t so. Since I was little, I’ve loved to play dress up and be whatever I wanted to be. I love that, in some ways, you play the same game as you get older. I have been a flapper in the 1920’s, an 80’s flashback, Catwoman, a Gothic Queen, a business man, taken an Anti-bullying activist, an Urban Princess, Gone from Good Girl to Bad, A dominatrix, a girlie girl, A Masquerade, Audrey Hepburn in Funny Faces…the list goes on and it won’t stop there. I don’t want anyone to be able to say “she mainly does ____ kind of shoots” or be able to type cast me saying “she’s another one of those kinds of models”. I can be anyone and anything I want to be and that that part that makes it so much fun. I don’t want to be put in a box and I like to do the unexpected. I want to be able to shoot anything, anywhere with anyone.
There are so many more things that I want to do with this hobby of mine. But a model is not one of them. Personally, being a model is not a goal that I have for myself. I feel like when you have signed a contract with an agency, you are no longer able to be creatively free. They can change your looks completely to fit what they want you to look like for the shoot and you don’t have much say in the matter if you want the job. You are told to be at this photoshoot, at this location, wearing this, for this long, with your hair this way, it’s too short, too long, to dark, to light, but you have to be thin for this one so lose 10 pounds but you have to gain 5 of it back for another shoot in a couple of weeks…it’s maddening! Some agencies don’t want you working with outside photographer for the duration of the contract and will sue if they find out about it. The pressure to be perfect at all time is more then I’m willing to bare. It would absolutely take the fun out of it. However, I admire those who are models. The fact that they can take all the scrutiny they get and still produce some amazing photos for magazines, fashion shows, campaigns and products is remarkable and in some cases inspiring.
I want to be able to look back and be able to say “I did that.” A whole portfolio of images very different from the last and be proud of the work and money I have put into it. I have worked with some amazing folks who are talented beyond anything that I have seen. We have done some beautiful things together. I can’t wait to add more to the list. There are great things to come, just you wait. You won’t be disappointed.