Crushes…I think it is safe to say that everyone has had them. You definitely had them in high school, however, the older you get the more real the feelings seems to feel. You meet someone for the first time who is different from all the rest, treats you better than anyone else and now you realize that you like him. I mean really like him. I mean Family Size, super strength, gallon economy sized kind of like him. Or you have fallen in “like” with him, maybe even in “deep” like with them. But seriously, how many different ways can you say that you really like someone before you have to accept the fact that it may be more than just like that you are feeling? At what point do you realize that what you are feeling, may not be just like, but it may just be more? How many “really’s” can you put in front of “Like” before you absolutely have to change it to love?
I think we, humans, sometimes try to mask our feelings by playing them down so that we don’t get hurt. “I’m not in love, I’m just very infatuated…it’s just a new relationship, we’re in the honeymoon phase.” Maybe the logic that you can’t possibly love this person is because they don’t feel the same the way that you do. Logic derived from previous experiences, perhaps because of lessons learned from past relationships of course. I mean really, why you would want to admit how you feel about someone when you can almost guarantee that they don’t feel the same way. You don’t want to get hurt, and that’s a sure fire way to do that. When you tell someone how you feel, that leaves you vulnerable and open to anything remotely negative. Naturally, you want to hide how you really feel. Sometimes you get lucky and the other person feels the same way you do, and you get to live happily ever after, and that’s the gamble that you make when you tell someone how you feel.
Very rarely do I come across someone that I actually want to invest my time in. It’s not often that I meet someone who I sit up daydreaming about, wondering how he’s doing or what he’s up to, if he’s having a good day, and if not, is there something I can do to change it. But this guy…this wonderful, amazing human, just walked into my world a couple of years ago and I kind of haven’t been the same since. He’s this amazing guy, who loves life, and everything he does has life in it. He’s basically changed my mind about everything negative that I ever thought about men. He’s special. The kind of special that you don’t want to get rid of and want to hold on to for as long as you possible can. I like him. I mean really like him. Really, REALLY like him. But I don’t think I love him, not yet. Because we are friends. Just friends. That’s what he calls it, so that’s what we are.
I was perfectly content in my world of like until one night everything changed. It was totally beyond my control. Somewhere between me walking through the door and saying hello, and me leaving sometime later, “like” turned into “love.” He didn’t even do anything or say anything special to kind of push me over the edge, he was being himself, all engrossed in his favorite song. Have you ever heard the song “That’s when I knew’ by Alicia Keys?” the lyrics read:
“Right there In a middle of a conversation Wasn’t anything special you said It was just there Right then I didn’t have time even over think it I looked at you and all of a sudden (haha) I was all in”
That’s EXACTLY how it happened for me. It was like “oh….my GAWD…I love him.” And like she said, I didn’t even have time to overthink it, I just looked at him and all of a sudden, I was literally all in.
It’s kind of crazy, these emotions that we have as humans. This unpredictable full spectrum of human emotion that we all have. Sometimes, there is really no explaining why we feel the way that we feel, and that explanation is always eliminated when you are talking about how you feel about another human being. Sometimes you just know. You can dress up “I like them” in about a million different outfits of words and accessorize with a half a dozen “really’s” but there will come a time, a moment where, without even realizing it, your heart has erased all the “really’s and changed “Like” to “Love.”