Over the past couple of weeks, it has amazed me at how many times this has come up in the different conversations between my friends and I. Here lately, we have all wondered what the heck happened to a real date. I mean the kind where the guy comes to pick you up, you go out, have some fun together and at the end of the night, you get a sweet little kiss good-bye and if you are lucky, as sweet voicemail in the morning, or maybe even a “Good Morning, Cutie. Just wanted to see how your day is going” text. Whatever happened to courting? Whatever happened to woo-ing? Have we reached a time in age when those things are a thing of the past? Is Chivalry, in fact, dead?
Speaking to the Ladies, I know that there are many of us that can’t remember when the last time we had a real date was. These days it seems like a “First date” consist of you “coming through” to watch a movie, or “chilling.” C’mon now, we ALL know what’s gonna happen as soon as those light go down. He going to move a little closer, give you those eyes, maybe slip you a little kiss, and the next thing you know, you’re trying to remember if you put on your sexy panties or your granny drawers this time! When did it be okay for the first date to be at his house? Or your house for that matter? Quite simply put, when you go to a member of the opposite sexes house, after a certain hour, you already know what the goal is for the rest of the evening.
It is a harsh reality that some of us ladies aren’t acting like….well, ladies. With all the twerking, naked pics, rap lyrics, low skirts and lower standards, I can understand why the fellas have their lines crossed about what we expect from them. A Gentleman wants a Lady. You can’t attract a classy man with classless behavior. It just doesn’t happen that way. Your attitude and the way you dress can be the difference in whether or not you are seen as Wifey or a good time. Whether you stick around for a couple months or a couple of years. We like to have a good time with the title’s “Hoe, Video Vixen, Thot, Side chick” etc. but if you have been behaving like that, how else do you expect to be seen in their eyes. Act like a lady. A woman who cusses every two seconds, going off over little things, coping an attitude for no reason, Boobs out, and butt showing isn’t exactly something that a gentleman want to put up with. It looks good yes, it gets good ratings in reality shows, but it is nothing something that he wants to take home to his mother. Just like a guy with his pants sagging, hair all over the place, gold fronts, smelling like weed and speech so full of slang and rap lyrics you have to have an Ebonics to English Dictionary isn’t exactly something you want to take home to meet YOUR mother either. Have some respect for the other person. So, you have to understand why a men have kind of slacked off on trying to be a gentleman because we have slacked off as ladies. We, as women, have got to do better.
Now, that I’ve spoken on behalf of the ladies, let’s take a moment to look at the fella’s point of view. Yes, back in the day it just made sense to go get the girl, take her out, show her some good clean fun and take her home with every intention of not getting lucky that night. But, you have to remember, somewhere along the lines, some chick gave in, somewhere some girl made him feel like it’s okay for him to ask you to come over on the first night and gave him some. Once upon a time, a girl, made a guy feel like “If you ask me to come over and chill with you on the first night we see each other, I’m completely fine with that.” So, in retrospect, it’s not ALL his fault. They think it’s okay for a reason. That Good Guy was turned sour by some chick that made him feel like it’s okay to put the “Gentleman” to the side and just go for what you truly want. And let’s be honest, if a girl offer’s a guy the booty on the first night, homeboy is gonna jump on it….literally.
Just like we as women claim that there aren’t any good men out there, the fella’s can turn around and say that there aren’t any good women. Why? Because some chick told him she thought he was “too nice” or “too soft” for doing things like opening doors, or bringing flowers, or having an ACTUAL real date. She took that “Nice guy” and made him feel like it is cool if you half-ass on the romance, or don’t show any at all. Basically somewhere in there, your “Nice Guy” was turned into the “Not-So-Chivalrous” guy that is asking you to come over on the first night. So, yes, I can honestly say fella’s, Reesie can see where you’re coming from. If you have been able to get away with this kinda behavior for so long, why change it? If you’ve been able to ask a chick to come over and “chill” on the first night, and she happily came over and you just HAPPENED to get some, then hey, that’s not your fault. It really isn’t.
I guess the point of this blog, is to send a message to all remaining “Gentleman” out there. We miss you, seriously. You have no idea how bad we want you around. I’m talking the whole nine yards, sweet text messages, holding hands, opening doors, the cute forehead kiss, a kiss on the cheek, all that. Please bring that back, I promise that along with romance will bring that quality woman that you’ve been waiting for. And if you get a girl (emphasis on the word girl) that tells you she doesn’t like that, politely end the night and find a woman! And ladies, when the fellas decide to show that side of them, and be the gentleman that we haven’t seen in ages, please, please, PLEASE show him that you appreciate it. Let him know that you are quality woman, and you realize you have finally found a quality man! Maybe we can resurrect the chivalry that we have been craving. Let’s turn this Urban Myth into a reality.