30+ with no kids? Fine by me!

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Kids are absolutely amazing. Seeing those little faces and hearing those cute little laughs and those unpredictable things that come out of their mouths has got to be one of life’s greatest joys. I love being able to experience those fun times with the little people in my life. I love being an Auntie. It is a job that I take very seriously and that I cherish from the bottom of my heart. One of the reasons that I love being an Auntie, is because I get…to give…them BACK. While seeing my nieces and nephews grow up has been one of the most amazing parts of my life, part of that reason is that I get to give them back and go back to being without kids

In my age group, everyone around me is dying to get married and have kids, settle down and have this whole life as a mother and a wife. Maybe my biological clock is on daylight savings time, or just doesn’t work all together, but I’m just not about that life right now.  Don’t get me wrong, if the time comes and it is God’s plan for me to be someone’s mother, I will totally embrace the opportunity and be the absolute best mother I can be. But it HAS to be in God’s timing.

Now, I’m about to get real with you guys and be very honest. I am 33 years old, and I have no desire to be a mother right now. As a woman with no children, I am getting to experience things in my life that I wouldn’t necessarily be able to do as a mother. I’m always hearing mothers telling me “I can’t go, I have kids.” Or “I just spent all my money on my kids (fill in blank here)…” or “I don’t have a babysitter.” Your life is about diapers, formula and breast feeding, doctors’ appointments, parent/teacher conferences, punishments, school shopping, PTA meetings, parental advisory on music, G rated movies, 8 o’clock bedtimes, weekend family outings and wondering if you’re doing it all the way you’re supposed to so your kid is raised the right way. Then there are the questions…Am I feeding them the right things? Do they have what they need? Are my kid’s best friends the right influence on them? How do I handle them dating? What about drug’s or sex? What are they learning when they aren’t with me? Am I teaching them right message with my lifestyle? It’s great to be able to consider anyone else but myself. Being a mommy changes EVERYTHING about you.

My life goals are a little different than my friends who are mothers. I can go on long tropical vacations, put stamps in my passport and plan my dream vacation to Santorini, Greece. I can have a cream, suede couch and not have to worry about anyone messing it up with juice stains, spaghetti stains, permanent marker or crumbs all over the pillows. Art on the walls that doesn’t have to be age appropriate and the only baby pictures on the wall are mine.  I can go where I please, for as long as I please, with whoever I please. I have to admit, it is something I enjoy very much right now. I love being able to just pick up and go, or laying in the bed ALL day long on my day off while having a movie-thon in my PJ’s. I can have “Get Togethers” and house parties and Adult conversations along with my own personal bar. If I don’t want to be around anyone, I don’t have anyone who makes me feel guilty about that. I can stay out until dawn and sleep in until noon. Have lunch dates in the middle of the day, do photoshoots on the weekends and shop until my credit card gets tired. Date nights don’t have to be planned and last until the next day. When I want to have a guy over, I get to cuddle and make him breakfast in the morning and not have to make him leave by 6am because I have to get the kids up and ready for school at 615am. I love listening to whatever music I want, and if I want to watch a Disney movie, it’s not because it’s been requested for the 1000th time. I don’t spend every day in “mommy jeans” or yoga pants, stretchmark’s, throw-up stains, or toys all over my living room floor. If I get tired of this city, all I need to do is find a job and move. No family to consider, just go. I have the luxury of being able to be a little selfish in not wanting to give up my time or money to anyone that I don’t choose to. I can be sexual, experiment, indecisive, spontaneous, adventurous,  get tattoo’s if I feel like and wear a two piece without people looking at me like I’ve just committed the crime equivalent  to a felony of being a sexual person while having a kid.

Before you look at me as a terrible person, let me explain. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I hear the phrase “your how old? And you don’t have any kids?! What are you waiting for?” My answer? I’m waiting for Love. My reality is, I don’t want to have to raise my child alone. I don’t want a “Baby Daddy,” I want a Husband who is a father. God willing, I want to have my child the traditional way: Wedding first, enjoy being a married couple for a couple years then deciding to have a child together. Realistically, in this day in age, it is near impossible for that to happen. Nowadays, when you meet a guy, they already have at least one kid. I actually don’t mind that. I get to see, if things work out between us, how good of a father he will be, without having his child first. I’ve been very fortunate to have dated some truly amazing men who are awesome fathers, and I always really admired that about them. It’s a very large part of the reason that I was attracted to them in the first place.

I’ve just, within the past couple of year wanted to date and to be in a relationship again. Finding the right guy hasn’t been easy, I can be picky, however, it is something that I want to do. It’s happening at a time that I want it to, therefore it’s seamless. My heart is in it, so it is something I desire. I want it to be the same way when I become a mommy. I guess that when the day come along for me to settle down, I want to experience being someone’s wife first, and embrace all that has to offer before I becomes a mother too. I also want to be ready for that stage and have been able to live and experience the single life to the fullest so that I don’t want to go back. Moving on to the next stage isn’t easy. Change is hard for me. That has become my truth and harsh reality. It was hard when my friends got married or had kids because that meant I didn’t have them to myself anymore. I had to share, and I didn’t like it. I eventually got used to it, but it took time and maturity. I suspect being married or having kids will have a similar toll on me.

A lot of friends have told me “Girl, don’t have kids until you are ready. Wait as LONG AS POSSIBLE, because your life changes the second you become a mother!”  That’s just it, I don’t want my life to change, not in the near future anyway. Not until I’ve found a legitimate reason. Single and free suits me just fine at this point in my life, and I’m so unapologetic about that. I feel no pressure nor do I feel like I’m failing in life because I haven’t been barefoot and pregnant for a good chunk of my adult life. There is just a lot that I want to do and see that are a lot more attainable for someone who does not have any kids. Who knows in a few years, I may change my mind and look back on this post like phase that I was going through on my path through adulthood. Maybe I will meet the man of my dreams, put on my white dress, slide on that ring, get married and start a family right away, who knows. But, until that time comes, it’s the Single Life. I’m gonna pop my birth control pill and enjoy my freedom until that happens.

3 thoughts on “30+ with no kids? Fine by me!

  1. SJ Foster says:

    I am thirty eight and still don’t want children, my biological clock is stuck or stopped. I have a wonderful partner who has a five year old son and i get to play stupid games with on a Saturday. However, I do find when your partner has a child it gets you too. You are always , if he’s a good, lovely man going to be second to that child. And sometimes, i will admit, that stinks!

    Like

    • Reesie's Pieces of Advice says:

      It sounds like you got a good thing going on there Miss Lady! That’s awesome! I’m sure that he appreciates your understanding. Being willing to step aside so that his child comes first makes you Prime Wifey Material in my opinion. You understand the importance of his relationship with his son, and trust me he loves you for that. It also shows your caring, loving side. You go girl! Keep it up!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Janeira Hinson says:

    I Love Every Word ! It’s so true to embrace going against the “Southern Grain” to marry and pop out a few kids by the age of 25 ! I love being able to go when/where I want, do what I want. I love the idea of having my own little family but until or if God blesses me with a baby, I won’t feel bad or selfish for loving my Me time. At this present time, having a live in boyfriend is enough ! Relationships are work and I’m grateful he’s the only other mouth I “sometimes” have to worry about feeding.

    Like

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